Today I got spat on.
Yep, you read that right, I was spat on. It wasn’t an accident it was by some cowardly vile lowlife scumbag that deserves to have both of his eyes torn out.
That’s probably what I would have done (torn the f***ers eyes out) if I actually knew who spat on me. COWARD!
So I was driving along at about 2 pm and I had my window down, it was a nice day and I felt that I deserved some fresh air. It was a surprise when I heard something hit my car right beside my ear on the window frame. I was driving so I didn’t have the time to properly inspect what it was, but my first thought was that it was a bug. I didn’t think that it was spit and didn’t notice the cars that were passing by.
Once I was fully stopped at a red light I took the time to inspect the projectile. It didn’t have shell pieces, it didn’t have wing pieces, it was a greenish yellow blob. I had just been spat on by a stranger. You f***ing COWARD. Someone going the opposite direction. Someone who has no idea how f***ing lucky they actually are.
ATTENTION STRANGER: I know that you will probably never read this, but if you do, I want you to know just how lucky you are. I am a calm and peaceful person 99% of the time, unless you f*** with me. Here is what would of happened if I had any idea who spat on me. I would have done a very fast u-turn in my little Suzuki car. I would have caught up to you and started calculating. My mind would figure out the final outcome of all possible scenarios and I would have chosen to (Comment deleted – I went into excruciating detail before I decide to delete it).
I would have plead insanity and probably got away with it. I probably would have started to eat your face, just to ensure that my insanity case would really hold up. Maybe take some pictures and post them on twitter for the entire world to see. Guess what? I am f***ing insane.
My other choice would be to follow you home while I described your location to a 911 operator. That would not have been nearly as satisfying though.
You f***ing coward. It is people like you that make life miserable for others. I really wish all of the worst that life has to offer on you. I don’t even know who you are and I hate you.